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Throw The Whole System Away

I don't post on my blog often, but when I do, it's usually something entertaining and informative. A few years ago I made the decision not to jump on the bandwagon with posting what the masses was posted.

Yes, I'm black.

Yes, I believe that we should support every cause against racism, systematic racism injustice, discrimination and police brutality.

BUT, sometimes it can be overwhelming every single platform doesn't have to all the same story. Especially if it isn't offering a solution.

With that being said, I made a conscious decision to share my thoughts immediately when I wake up. It doesn't give me much time to ponder, second guess or water down my thoughts. My children are getting older. The older they get the more fearful I become. One day they won't want mama to hold their hand as they cross the street. One day they will be grabbing the car keys saying, "Mom I'll be right back." My fear isn't of them growing up, my fear is the thought of them never returning home.

As my family prepare for a major change, I think to myself, will we be moving into a safer neighborhood or will we be moving into danger?

I have to admit that I can't imagine getting a phone call from my son or anyone for that matter, telling me that his life was cut short. Just because he decided to go to the store.

Just because he decided to take the long way home.

Just because he wanted to go out for a jog.

Just because he wanted to play video games.

Just because he wanted to enjoy a bowl of ice cream in his own home.

Sometimes I want to be left alone. I am so torn I am broken. As a retire police officer, I have seen, felt, heard, and delt with both sides as a victim and police officer. I will further discuss that on another date. Everything is a mess. You know it. I know it... We know it! I'm leaning on my prayers and holding on to my faith.

I have so many thoughts as I am not trying to live in fear but it is hard not to think who or what is next?

There are days that I thank the almighty father that I am no longer a police officer.

It has turned from all white cops are bad to all law enforcement is bad. I work with integrity and I treated all my prisoners fairly. I judged no-one. It wasn't my place. I even prayed for the prisoners daily. I ask each and every one of them did they want prayer. I touched and agreed with the accused.

We are always good to say, "I would never do that." However it is my belief we are all one bad decision away from being in cuffs. Guilty or not.

I've worked with some amazing cops and I've worked with some horrible racist cops. The good and bad exist everywhere.

I want to wrap myself around my children and protect them from everything. I want to protect them from people who think the color of their skin is a threat. I want to protect them from social media and the trash that is filtered to our children through cartoons and music.

I want to shield them from the kid on the playground whose parents does not lock up their guns.

I want to protect them from the drunk driver who did not realize they had one too many. I want to stand in between my children and the man or the woman who want to lash out on anyone they come in contact with because they were having a bad day.

We can't pray in schools but, there are weapons made from beauty products in our schools.

We can't pray in school but, teachers can have unprofessional relationships with students.

We can't pray in school but, we can get high in the stairwell.

We can't pray in school but, we can have sex in the gymnasium closet.




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